innocent expectation

As I sit here early on Christmas morning my brain has been silenced by the sweetness of a love far beyond what I can grasp. Jesus entered our rugged world as a soft little baby. He entered into history for a time and caused a revolutionary wave that we are still feeling today. Jesus is still making history.

I love how Jesus came as a baby. It shows the innocence and sensitivity of God. I think the story of Jesus would be so different if he entered history as this reckless warrior-like thirty year old. Just picture how people would have responded. He may have been rejected all the more and written off as arrogant, forceful or void of need. But, the author of the story knew this delicate baby boy would be taken as an offering and a gift to humanity. Jesus entered the world in a position of need, yet all along possessing the power within to fulfill our needs. THAT IS POWERFUL! This revelation shows me there are times of need and times to help others in need. There is something beautiful about the giving and receiving in a relationship. There is something magical about the intimacy that is created through this transaction. You can’t have one without the other. What a model for us.

Our culture today says to be in “need”, is to be less than, unstable, disadvantaged, irresponsible and weak. This unfortunate definition has led to a revolution of control and independency. Longer term, the outcome has created not only an age of anxiety, but of hopelessness, isolation, loneliness and disappointment.

Jesus came as a baby. He was vulnerable, needing food, comfort, his diaper changed, warmth, love and a safe place to rest. Mary was the woman chosen by God to be a steward of this precious gift. The important call was placed on her life. Imagine if she didn’t step up to this kingdom task. What if she didn’t assume her role as the saviors’ mother? What if she didn’t care for the needs of Jesus?

This made me think of the call we have on our lives. I was thinking about this last night as I was driving through the canyon. There are significant times in our lives when we have to step up and make a decision that will affect the course of our lives greatly. Since we have free will, the choices we make will set a course having a particular impact either for good, bad or worst yet mediocre. I would rather make the wrong choice and have to get back to God’s best will, then to never a make a choice and live a stale life of apathy. Apathy is a deadly weight to a life of faith.

Mary chose to care for her needy baby. She gave until he was able to care for the needs of the world. He not only had compassion for those in need, he had the authority and ability to completely remove the need all together. This is the Jesus I live for. I need him. I am not ashamed to call him my Lord. If it weren’t for Jesus, I would look at the deck of cards that have been dealt to me and give up. It’s ONLY because of Jesus I have hope for an amazing history in the making.

Jesus- a baby, a savior and history maker. Much cause for celebration and hope today!

SIT, RUN, STAND!

Sit, Run, Stand


This morning was amazing at church. I have been attending a new gospel church. I am the only white girl and I LOVE it! The room is filled with blacks, Latinos, old ladies, kids, and single parents. We are all so different, yet we have one thing in common-Jesus. I have been drawn to this church for the last three weeks because I sense the people there are alive. When people are alive you know they are expectant. You are only expectant if you have encountered Jesus. Each person actually engages and participates in the service. I hear “amen”, “preach it”, “you go” one woman shouted when the pastor was on a roll and “that’s right” when there is a truth about God preached. LOVE IT! There is nothing fancy or programmatic about this church at all. We meet in a vet’s hall and have to put our chair away when we leave. There is something raw and fresh about it.

Anyhow, today as the preacher was going off about different prophecies and fulfillments of the Messiah, the Lord was speaking to me, on the side, about my personal posture or position before him. I scribbled down three words-SIT, RUN, STAND.

I didn’t really know why those words came to me. Yet, as the service went on I kept writing other things down. So I wanted to share some of the thoughts I had and hope this is encourages someone.

SIT- sitting before the Lord is an important practice because it implies that you are not going anywhere and are ready to converse. In the sitting position one can listen for direction in life. It is in this place of waiting where we are able to gaze or fix our eyes on Jesus. Sitting gives us rest for the mobility needed in the future. If we do not sit, rest, wait and listen the next two I will share about will be a LOT harder.

RUN- going from a rested and rejuvenated place of sitting we are now ready to set coarse. This coarse is set in the place of sitting. RUNNING and trying figure out the coarse is not the best idea. You can do it that way, but if you know the coarse you can run a lot harder toward the goal. There is always a point during a run that you have to persevere. That is when what was revealed to you in the time of sitting kicks in. So often we run haphazardly because we are trying to run as fast as we can and listen for direction at the same time. This can work from time to time, but why add more anxiety then needed.

STAND- there’s times during our journey when we need to stand. We need to stand FIRM and we need to stand in the AUTHORITY given to us. Standing is always forward movement. Standing is a mindset. What you believe about God and what you believe about yourself in relation to what have been given is everything. Standing firm and standing in authority can be done in the either sitting or running position.

In the flow of a typical day we may encounter special moments within each posture. You need all three. I spent many years just running, many more sitting and others standing. What I’ve found is that the seasons when I am AWARE of all three, I see power. I see favor. And I see transformation at whole new levels.

SIT, RUN, STAND three simple, yet revolutionary words.

real or imagined?

I have been really thinking a lot lately about how I respond to situations in life. Am I a reactionary person or a woman of peace and trust? Do I live in “hypotheticals” or in reality? What am I really responding to anyway?

Being a visionary and a thinker I find it extremely difficult to stay out of the world of hypotheticals. When I am not in check, this can become the disease of introspection.

Thinking and envisioning are not bad as long as each line of thought is based on what is actually true. So how does one marry past experience, discernment, wisdom and reality with an honest response to the situation at hand? The only thing I can think of, right now, is to see how you feel about it. If there is anxiousness, unrest or a lack of peace it’s probably rooted in fear because of a hypothetical scenario you’ve created in your mind. In times like this, I have to stop and ask myself what the real story is, what the real facts are and then start all over in my thinking.

So many Christians over spiritualize the scenario at this point. In this juncture of my life and spiritual journey I have found MOST of the time I have lack of peace it wasn’t from God at all it was my own fear controlling the situation. Ultimately, my hypothetical scenario won again.

So the challenge- live in reality. Become aware of the deeper things going on in your heart and mind. Take risks. Hypothetically speaking, stretch your comfort zone and go to the places you’ve never gone before. Don’t live in fear, but move forward with courage. It’s attractive.

how he loves

speechless. i sit in awe of what God is doing in our nation. the time is now. may his kingdom come in power and without excuse.

catastrophic daze

I close my laptop
swallow the last splurge of cold coffee
and head out into the warm rain
each drop of originality
finding it’s home
on my velvety blue zippy
as I saunter toward the car
in a catastrophic daze

I fumble for my keys
wet wheels rolling by
and by
and by
hand digging
one hand
two
disappearing deep into an endless bag
searching
searching for a desperate jingle
a tightly clenched silver cluster
liberated by night air
I find her at last
‘thee’ key to my shelter
my freedom
now in hand
with much anticipation
I thrust into the car
closing out the storm.
a gentle tap, tap, tapping on the window
lazy droplets
begging for attention
nothing takes my mind away from
those stories
those pictures
tears thirsty to protect
one
two
three
synchronizing with the rain


A few months ago in my American history class a list was given out for our presentation topics. As I glanced through the list of over 25 people, movements and events nothing captured my attention. Suddenly, I had the gumption to ask the professor what he thought about me getting a group together and doing a presentation on modern day slavery. Heck, we just got done talking about the 13th amendment and how could I sit there in silence when I have proof slavery never ended. The instructor mumbled and grumbled and gave a hesitant “okay” with a sheepish laugh. It was obvious to me that he was disinterested in the topic or thought it wasn’t of value for the two hundred students in my class. I didn’t budge and quickly said, “Thank you”.

Honestly, I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I figured this would be an easy presentation because of my involvement with IJM and the Not For Sale Campaign. Getting access to good information would be a breeze and whipping up some cool power point presentation would be the icing on the cake. What I didn’t realize was the gravity of the issue. I spent hours and hours reading stories of people being oppressed and it was absolutely overwhelming. I looked at every site you can imagine and I read some of the most graphic and horrific stories of slavery in San Jose, San Francisco, LA, New York, Texas and Florida. Right here in our own back yard is literally a playground for the “big business” of sex trafficking and forced labor.

I gathered my information and now I have two weeks to create a presentation that will move people to make history instead of just learn about it. Daunting task.

I am angry inside toward people who think humans are disposable. This curdles my blood. I am so mad about this and I hope this presentation will activate some of these young people to do something about it. I can’t eradicate forced labor by myself, but I can be a voice for the voiceless. I can talk. I can write. I can motivate others. I can give.

Every day I learn about someone in history who made a difference. The key is not to become paralyzed by the “what can I do about it, I’m just one person on the planet” mentality that erodes the soul and emasculates history. If a whole lot of people would do a whole lot of something, we would begin to hear more faint voices saying, “I am Free”!

sustainable livelihood

My heart has always been drawn to Zimbabwe and as I was reading some of the revealing information regarding Zimbabwe’s “sustainable livelihood” this evening, tears of compassion filled my eyes. My heart is truly broken for the emerging generation of displaced youth. What are they emerging toward? Well, not only physical displacement, but emotional, spiritual and intellectual poverty as well. I have added a small slice of the heart-wrenching article below. We must do something! We must start creating a united mindset of “sustainable living” in our own city first. When hearts come back to life and compassion is the new poison, it is then we are able to feel the pain.

"[Some of] the biggest challenges in Africa," he says, "are really the relationship and connection between poverty and mental health. The factors that drive poor mental health in Africa are the same as those that drive poverty – wars, internal displacement, HIV/ AIDS and the fact that 60 percent of Africans live below the poverty line. There’s also the fact that so many people who are afflicted by infectious disease, and are so many wars and displaced across Africa. These are the main drivers to depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, alcohol and substance abuse."
Children are a special concern for Njenga. At least 10 percent of all African children are AIDS orphans or child soldiers.
He says, "Anyone who tries to project what may happen to the neglected African child who is a victim or survivor of post traumatic stress disorder, as a result of seeing parents, teachers or siblings mutilated in war…would be guessing."
"One begins to project and understand that in the course of time children who witness genocide in Rwanda are likely to become adults with unresolved grief, PTS disorder, substance abuse issues, depression.… In fact, just thinking about the likely consequences of the traumatic events the African child is going through, we anticipate in 30 years time, we are going to have large African population of deeply traumatized and unstable populations."
It’s not easy to get treatment. Njenga says there’s about one psychiatrist for every half million people in Africa. In Zimbabwe, he says there are only two psychiatrists for every 20 million. Some countries have none at all.


CB- If you are a social worker, doctor, nurse or neighbor- it may be time to explore a trip to Zimbabwe.

Indiscriminate Compassion

Quote of the night- “it’s better to be naked in truth then clothed in fantasy”. Brennan Manning

Do you believe God loves you as you are? The question went in my ears as I closed my eyes to take an honest evaluation of what I believe. My initial reaction was of course I believe God loves all of me. In fact, I think most people on the surface would come to this conclusion first time around. When I really dug deep I found parts of myself still feeling like I need to “do” something in order to clean myself up before the Lord. In my head, I know nothing is hidden from God so, it seemed rather foolish to go through this meaningless housekeeping ordeal in the first place.

Come as you are is God’s heart. I am scandalized by the generosity of God. His crazy behavior allows me to risk being my authentic self. But, I still have a hard time grasping His limitless mercy. I’m lovable because He loves me period. God is always greater then my largest concept of Him. Each day I arrive at a larger and more powerful understanding of God, but still…He’s greater. I must stretch my thinking and then the next day stretch it even more. God can’t stop loving. There are no conditions with God. God does not base His love on the feeling of the day. He models consistent generosity with His love. The Love of Jesus is reliable.

How can I ever love like God? There is so much injustice in this world. How can I love with this indiscriminate love? First I need to know Him. We behave like the God we imagine. Think about that. How we behave toward our self and toward others is largely rooted in the image we have of God. If we have self-hatred for example, we may view God up in the sky with a BIG wooden spoon ready to get us good for our rebellion or failure. Our image of our self is directly related to our image of God.

Hence, the theme of my “2007 late night ponderings” keep pointing back to IDENTITY. There is a strong need for reconciliation in the family unit but tonight it occurred to me that you must have reconciliation or peace with yourself before you can have true reconciliation with others. It must start with us.

I know for me, I need to heal my image of God along with any distortions I have of His character. It is really easy to gather up the wrong information about God. I have been taking myself through a spiritual exercise this past week. I have been reading one of my all time favorite books called Knowledge of the Holy, by AW TOZER. Every morning I have been reading a chapter and chewing on it. Although very dense, my image of God is being restored. I can’t tell you how little my fears, problems and circumstances are now that I am healing my image of God. I have felt peace, stability and joy tenfold.

Brennan Manning spoke tonight and he quoted someone who had a saying that I love. It went like this. Be who you is, cuz if you aint who you is, you will become what you aint.
Healing our image of God heals our image of ourselves. My prayer is that deep, deep in the core of our identity we would begin to grasp the grace, boundless mercy, tender love, intimacy, and awareness of God generosity toward us. When we fail or people fall short we can rest, truly REST because God’s love is reliable.

The word I am getting for our generation is this- God is love. If you base your identity on the validation from any other source you will become restless. You can come before God as you ARE warts and all. Shame, self-hatred, anger, depression- God couldn’t love you more right now in this place.

There was a day in high school when my dad found me at my mom’s house passed out and surrounded by bottles of prescription meds and photos of people I cared about. I was a confused young woman and this was my deadly attempt for attention. Shortly after this sad episode, I was confronted with a message of hope that would forever change and literally save my life. Yet the words that uttered from my mouth were, “God would NEVER love me”. Clearly, I had no understanding or at least a disturbing understanding of the God I know now. I have spent the last ten years rebuilding my identity. I have also been tested more in this area because I have a passion to help multitudes of people with rediscovering their true identity. I only speak and write about this because I understand the struggle and I am motivated by the potential of a generation of people who are living out their destiny with utmost freedom. Only when we are naked in truth will be able dispel the fantasy and deal with the core of who we are and why we are here.

Be Well America

After having two pretty significant dreams I have decided to begin an on-going blogging journal called “BE WELL AMERICA”. Combating the apathetic epidemic our culture dines with daily I am beginning a journey longing to bring hope to issues such as obesity, emotional disability, cancer, moral corruption, spiritual depravity, financial stress, creative blues and relational deterioration.

My multi dimensional approach will explore wholeness as it relates to physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, intellectual and creative wellbeing. With a focused awareness on these vital areas TOGETHER we can move forward living healthy and balanced lives.

when we are whole
we are well,
when we are well
we are a gift.

I will blog weekly (Sundays or Wednesdays...not sure yet..) focusing on each component of health sharing ideas, insights, things that have worked or failed for me. I am by NO means an expert on ANY of these subjects just a fellow ragamuffin trying to make a difference in the world. BUT do feel free to ask your doctor what medication I SHOULD be taking!!! HA! No really, if I write something down please know I’ve used it, tried it, researched it, or failed at it! My passion is to see people WHOLE and WELL. Instead of creating a resolution for 2007, I declare a revolution in 2007! Cheers to good health! Join me for a wild ride as we delve into these simplistically complex subjects.

My weekly blogs will be titled “BE WELL AMERICA” not to be confused with my “late night ponderings 2007”. (my brain never stops!!)

I will be giving away weekly challenges that may include something like- giving a gift to someone for no reason other then to surprise them, cook a new recipe from scratch, try a new activity, write a poem (this is even for macho men!!), go to the library and read a children’s book, take public transportation for a day and smile at everyone you look at, add barley powder to your diet, drive for two hours with your favorite high school band blasting with windows down (sorry coloradowins), anyhow…each week will be a surprise and I want to hear stories, stories, stories!!!

BE WELL AMERICA includes some important “BE’S”-
BE ACTIVE
BE INFORMED
BE AWARE
BE HONEST
BE CREATIVE
BE HEALTHY
BE RESPONSIBLE
BE INSPIRED
BE A FRIEND
BE A GIVER
BE A GIFT
BE YOU!!