i love lemonade!

Following Jesus is not an Option...

2009-10-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight on my walk I was grappling with God regarding many things in my life I seem to be ‘waiting’ on. It feels like I am always waiting for my hearts desires while I faithfully ‘follow him’. After pressing deeper in to this issue I was reminded that waiting is a part of the journey. Waiting is not a halt of action but instead an adherence to God that is coupled with great anticipation of what is to come. As we continuously bind ourselves to God and let go of all control, new vision is able to birth. The key to revival is waiting. By waiting in His presence the secret of worship is revealed, the doorway to finding our purpose and destiny.

As Christians, have we ever really asked ourselves what it means to truly follow Him? When I ask people if they follow Jesus they usually reply without hesitation with an emphatic “yes”. I am sure they mean well, but are Christians really ready to “follow Him” with every morsel of their being? Jesus was constantly listening to his father, do we listen when God speaks? Do we listen when he says something that goes contrary to our desires? I can remember, vividly, a time in my life when God spoke clearly to me and said, “wait” regarding something I wanted. I waited for a week then pursued the situation. Let’s put it this way, there was a reason God told me to “wait”. But due to my impatience, I went ahead of Him and as a result suffered great pain. When God says, “wait”, wait.

I was praying recently about something dear to my heart and he gently said, “wait”. This time it was gentle, but you bet I am LISTENING! We have to remember when we are following God we have to be sensitive to His timing. When our timing aligns with God’s the outcome will always have power.

Jesus went against the grain. Do we stand up for our beliefs and values when it is not popular? Do we help others when no one is looking? Do we follow Him when we are suffering pain? Do we follow Him when we are not sure if He is good? Do we serve Him when we have to sacrifice our own desires? Do we serve others when it is uncomfortable? These are just a few of the questions we should ask before we quickly say we are ‘taking up our cross to follow Him”.

I see so many people getting on the bandwagon of the cool new movement of volunteerism. It’s great to be moved in to action, but at some point if it does not become a lifestyle it is just another fad. Following Jesus is not an option. Fads are optional and seasonal. Serving Jesus should never be out of season. It’s true there will be seasons of questioning in our lives because we are finite beings, but by realizing that truth does not then give us the “pass” when it comes to following Him.

Are we willing to keep moving toward the cross even when our vision is foggy? There will be dark times, this is Biblical. In order for us to identify with the sufferings of Christ we can’t expect to escape pain. We are called to persevere because we belong to Him and we believe Him. When we walk in those promises we will have the vision of victory in our minds and hearts.
As you can see, I am passionate about serving and do so with reckless abandon. Unfortunately, I have seen too many people get involved with something important to God, yet quickly get distracted from the purpose when it gets uncomfortable. Serving will not always be glamorous. It comes with great sacrifice and expense. Are you still willing to serve? Are you willing to follow Him wholeheartedly or has Jesus become an option?

God is reliable

2009-09-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

i am fascinated by a new angle in which i've seen God this week. God is reliable. that simple sentence came alive for me in a fresh new way. this week as unreliable thoughts, circumstances or people came into my life i must have said that sentence to myself five or six times to remain focused. i don' t think i have ever really meditated on God being reliable. There are HUGE implications when a human begins to grasp such a lofty view of God.

i mean, if i were to really let that sink deep into my soul by letting it permeate my conditioned thinking, i am completely positive my life would look different. why is it so hard to do? in my human struggle, i have to remember to keep God holy seperate from the definition that is evolving from everything unreliable around me this very moment. when i have the right perspective everything or everyone unreliable becomes unattractive drawing me near to what is, has been and will be. God is reliable.

the deeper i dig my heels into this truth, the less disappointment has a lasting effect on my emotional outcome. just think, if we truly believe God is a reliable God, when an adverse circumstance comes our way we are able to trust him when we need him. he won't change his mind everyday about how He feels about us or our situation. he is consistent. he is stable. he is honest. he is in control. we can fully trust him with our heart. just because we do not understand God sometimes, it doesn't mean He is not reliable.

in a world that is limited, remember....GOD IS RELIABLE.

when someone doesn't pay you on time....God is reliable.
when a family member hurts you...God is reliable.
when you lose your job.....God is reliable.
when someone breaks your trust...God is reliable.
when someone disrespects you...God is reliable.
when your car gets crushed....God is reliable.
when a relationship ends....God is reliable.
when your health is failing.....God is reliable.

This week when something happens to cause you frustration or pain.....whisper to yourself...."this sucks....i don't understand....BUT GOD IS RELIABLE!"

~deep thoughts by CB...

Peaceful Surrender

2009-09-20T15:04:00.000-07:00

In honor of Crisse Ann Straughan-October 2,1957-September 11,2009

It was an honor serving with Crisse as she volunteered in the Compassion Network office for a few months. Crisse battled with breast cancer and survived. We had many 'after hour' conversations sharing openly about deep grapplings and fears surrounding the potential of getting cancer again. Crisse opened up to me because she knew I spent so much time up close and personal with my friend John as he struggled with this terrible disease that eventually took his life at a young age. Her fears were so familiar. We shared days of celebrating good doctor reports and small miracles while she was with us. When she came down with pneumonia Crisse has to decrease her hours and eventually had to quit all together to focus on her health. A few months later she was confirmed with lung cancer, then it spread to her lymph nodes and eventually reached her brain. When I received wind of this rapid progression my heart was extremely heavy. Not heavy because of her destination, but because she was such a lively and vibrant person who was now losing life. Crisse was spicy; she was one of those people you just like being around. She added to every environment. She was 50, but hip as can be. She would tell me when cool jeans were on sale at Macy's. She would crack me up with her leather jacket and fancy jewelry. She was so ALIVE and gracious. You would never know she was as sick as she was. She lived her life to the fullest.

I knew the family called in Hospice and the doctors gave her only a few weeks to live. I made arrangements to go to her bedside. I wasn't sure what our time would be like. Since I hadn't seen her in a month or so I was very emotional walking up to the door. In my heart I wanted God to heal her, but I had such a silent assurance that her time here on Earth was ending. Crisse was about to receive her glorious inheritance. I knew God could heal her, but I also know there are times, as humans, we need to let go and trust God for His greater purpose. Sometimes we want to hold on to others for our purposes, but I have learned that it is just selfishness on our part because 'we' want to feel comfortable. There is a time to pray and a time to let go. This was time to let go. So I spent my final moments with her, seeking God on how to spend that time.

The door opened and in the family room was there was a hospital bed, oxygen tank, small wooden table holding pictures of family/friends and a TV. She was bald and frail, but she looked so beautiful in my eyes. She still had an endearing presence about her. We just had a special "I know" connection. We didn't even have to talk; yet we knew what was going on in our hearts. I struggled with our final moments quickly wiping tears from my eyes. Being in this bedside spot before, I knew the next few moments I had the chance to gain some life altering wisdom from someone who didn't need my prayers anymore. She was going to be with Jesus. I was going to be left behind, now was her turn to impart to me all God had revealed. I asked her if she had any fears and she said, "no, I feel confident in what is to come". I asked her if she would have done anything different and she mentioned having a happier and healthier relationship with her husband would have been nice. This really spoke to me because I am always amazed at what really 'matters' when someone is about to die. I NEVER hear I will miss my house, my job, I wish I would've climbed the corporate latter or shopped more. Instead, I hear people wishing they would've invested more in the relationships with those closest to them. THIS IS A KEEPER.

John said the same thing. He said, "Everyone is terminal Christine. Today may be your last day, so live as though it is". Powerful. Imagine the implications of a life lived like that. Those facing death have real insight into what is most meaningful.

My time with Crisse was drawing to an end. Yet, I had one more selfish question in my heart to ask. I know it is not often you sit next to someone on the verge of being with Jesus so I KNEW this was the time that God could use her to speak to me. So, I courageously asked her to give me wisdom, as a young woman with more life to live, on what is most important. Her sincere reply, "wake up each day, look out the window and take it all in. Then talk to God. When you get in your car and someone cuts you off, talk to God about it instead of getting frustrated. Bring God into your relationships and let Him tell you what to do when you don't know." Then in her final words she implored me to serve. She said, "Serve. Help others. Make a difference. Focus on others so you don't focus too much on yourself." Then with tired eyes she looked directly into mine and spoke in between coughs boldly, "Nothing matters in the end other than these things." I knew she meant it with every morsel of her being.

I gave her a huge hug, kissed her soft cheek and said thank you. What precious words. We said our final goodbye and I knew in my heart this would be the last time I would see Crisse on this side of heaven. I barely made it back to my car through blurred vision. I sat in my car silently for a moment grieving, and then drove away slowly.

I ran six miles that day with worship blaring on my Ipod. I knew she was going to be okay and now I needed to take care of my heart. I needed perspective. As the each song flooded my head I began to weep. I can remember being embarrassed as I ran and tried to play it off like I was really 'sweating'. Those tears were cleansing and allowed me to feel joy again.

I am so amazed by how similar my two bedside experiences were. Both of these friends had unwavering faith, confidence in their destination and a quiet assurance that everything is going to be okay. I secretly wanted this confidence. By the end of my run I was deeply encouraged that God has given me the privilege to be up close and personal with men and women of great faith who had deep revelations of God's heart. I feel honored to know, first hand, these gems and hold them safely in my heart. When someone has nothing to lose, they say it like it is. Now, I will try my best to live with strong faith while investing in people and relationships because I have a hunch in the end nothing else will truly matter.

Today was Crisse's memorial. I was able to share my last moments with Crisse and read out of my journal in front of hundreds of teary eyes. I was able to exhort people to invest in relationships, serve and believe in Jesus. After the service her sister came up to me and said Crisse called her after I left that day and said that out of all her visitors there was something special about my visit and she wanted to see me again. Her sister was crying and I said, "oh I will see her again alright and I look forward to it!"

Death has lost it's sting because of Jesus.

Here is a passage I live for: I love the message version of Psalm 16

Psalm 16

A David Song

^1-2 Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you.
I say to God, "Be my Lord!"
Without you, nothing makes sense.

³ And these God-chosen lives all around—
what splendid friends they make!

⁴ Don't just go shopping for a god.
Gods are not for sale.
I swear I'll never treat god-names
like brand-names.

^5-6 My choice is you, God, first and only.
And now I find I'm your choice!
You set me up with a house and yard.
And then you made me your heir!

^7-8 The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart.
Day and night I'll stick with God;
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go.

^9-10 I'm happy from the inside out,
and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.
You canceled my ticket to hell—
that's not my destination!

¹¹ Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.

People ask me why I have such an urgency to help others it's because I have seen and heard to much to live a mediocre life. I can't ignore what has been shared from those who truly "Got it".

~ peace, Christine

surprise!

2008-04-11T16:49:00.001-07:00

In my blog, “happy OLD year 2007!!” I wrote some down some things I look forward to in 2008. Here are a few I added-

9. Getting a new car. 
10. Surprises.  

Then, I summed it up with this statement: “So that's my annual review and forecast for 2008. I think the theme for 2008 will be: THE YEAR OF SURPRISES”.

Well….I have to say there HAVE been a lot of fun and creative surprises so far this year, but there is one I want to share that just happened yesterday. There are barely adequate words to express my gratitude.

I was given a car!!!

You see, my car died a few months back and I have been driving a loner around until I figured out what to do for a new car. In the meantime, God put it on a supporter of Compassion Network's heart to bless me with a car. Was I surprised? YES!

This car is just wonderful for this season of my life. I needed a reliable and safe car and that is what I got! It’s a 1992 BMW with a rebuilt engine that will go well over 300,000 miles. The best part is the guy it was purchased from is a Christian and has been the mechanic for the enitre life of the car. One owner, one mechanic! He said he would continue to service the car since he knows this car inside and out. A new car AND an honest mechanic- PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Since I have a hard time receiving gifts,, this was a very humbling experience for me. But, I am learning it is important to allow others to experience joy in giving and not to rob them of the blessing that comes with giving. Whew! I am still in shock! I give God all the glory!

Again, cheers to 2008:THE YEAR OF SURPISES!

May this be your best year ever!

Sorry gotta run, I am going for a LooooooG drive....yahoooooooooooooo! P.S. my car is silvery gray not the black one pictured!

fight for freedom

2008-02-18T23:13:00.000-08:00

I know most people will not care so much about the the article below, but it is very dear to me. In 1993-4 I moved to Thailand and lived in a refugee camp along the border of Thailand and Burma. I was a missionary amongst the Karen people sharing the hope of Jesus, giving out medical supplies and clothing. With a dismal amount of hope and intensified violence in the camps, the Karen people were fighting daily for their lives. I spent many weeks trekking camp to camp with live chickens hanging from my back pack to bring hope to those the Lord put on my heart. Living in huts, eating beetles and dumping water over my head to clean myself was just a snapshot of my time there. The last camp I stayed at was the one mentioned below.

As evening grew dark in the camp, I sat by candle light with teenage boys and girls surrounding me in the dirt. Many didn't know how old they were or if their families were still alive. They had all fled over to Thailand trying to escape the brutality of the Burmese government. As we sat by candle light for hours (through translators) the kids asked me deep questions about why God would let this happen, what my thoughts on God were and what it felt like to be safe in America. These kids had NO concept of safety. My heart broke for them.

Interrupting our precious time, the camp doctor said we had to blow out our candles and get to our huts ASAP! Apparently, the Thai soldiers were switching shifts and we would not have protection for the night. It was well known that on these nights when the guards switched shifts that the Burmese soldiers would come in and make hits on key leaders.

Here I was in my young twenties full of relentless passion for these people, now fearful of my life. I laid all night in a ball praying for God's protection like never before. It was so dangerous that we were not aloud to go to the bathroom or move.

Before sunrise, our team (five students) was quickly ushered into a jeep and rushed out of the camp back to Chiang Mai. We reunited with the rest of our team (45 students) and thanked God for our protection. Sadly, the next day that same camp was burned to the ground, the doctor was killed and many karen children were left to wander around abandoned yet again. A huge malaria breakout occurred shortly after taking many more lives including the pastors daughter. It was a very sad and dark time for our team.

Through this experience, my life was changed. It was in this season of my life when I knew I would fight for injustice and live to help help others forever.

The news below is as real to me as receiving a letter informing me of a wounded family member. The area mentioned in the article is the exact camp I visited. I have photos from my time there and I remember it like it was yesterday. The struggle is still on. The Karen people are in constant survival mode to this day. We have no idea. No idea what people go through here in America land of the free. I had a hard few days and after reading this article I am humbled by the freedom I have, yet so often forget about. Pray for the Karen (KUH WREN) people. Most are Christians, yet are being killed daily because of what they believe.

As we were celebrating Valentine's day, the day of "love", this is what was happening in Thailand...

Burmese rebel leader is shot dead

The secretary general of Burma's largest rebel group, the Karen National Union, has been killed.
Pado Mahn Shar, who was in his sixties, was shot at his home in the Thai border town of Mae Sot, his family said.

He was targetted by two men in a pick-up truck, while sitting on the veranda of his home. He died instantly.

The KNU and its military wing, the Karen National Liberation Army, have spent nearly 60 years fighting the Burmese government.

They want to establish an autonomous Karen state in the east of Burma, and to protect the Karen people from what they say are abuses by the government.

Setbacks

KAREN STRUGGLE
The KNU, through its armed wing the KNLA, has been fighting for greater autonomy since 1949
The KNLA split in half in 1994, with the new group, the DKBA, making a pact with the government
The KNU and the junta reached a 'gentleman's agreement' in 2003, but it quickly broke down
The Karen are just one of many ethnic minorities in Burma. Much smaller rebel groups still exist in the Shan, Karenni and Mon states
Despite their fighting spirit, the Karen rebels have suffered a number of recent setbacks, including political splits and defections to the government.
Militarily, they have been driven further and further back towards the Thai border.

However, Pado Mahn Shar told the BBC last year: "Whatever happens, we cannot surrender.

"If the government won't offer us a proper peace settlement, we have to carry on fighting."

The BBC's Kate McGeown, who met Pado Mahn Shar on the Thai-Burmese border, says his death will be a serious blow to the Karen rebels.

As it is, they face a huge challenge against the Burmese army, which is vastly superior both in terms of numbers and equipment.

Analysts said it was not clear who was behind the shooting.

It might be the result of rivalry within the Karen rebel movement, Burmese expert Aung Naing Oo told the AFP news agency.
Thai police said the gunmen approached Pado Mahn Shar and addressed him in the Karen language before opening fire.

But what the KNU really feared, Aung Naing Oo said, was that the Burmese government might have ordered it.

"Everybody is terrified that there could be a hit list from the Burmese military circulating around Thailand of people to be killed," he said.

Pado Mahn Shar had himself predicted an increase in bloodshed, telling Reuters this week that violence might rise ahead of a constitutional referendum in Burma in May.

good for the soul

2008-02-06T22:46:00.000-08:00

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much". Mother Teresa

I read this today and once again I totally resonate with Mother Teresa. This woman was the real deal!

I read another quote on my tea bag the other day that went something like, “Success is not determined by your accomplishments, but by the obstacles you overcome”.

Can I get an AMEN?

Have you ever felt like when you press through one obstacle another one is right there waiting for you? Maybe it’s just me, but I believe life is always going to be full of obstacles so either we learn to persevere or become stuck in one place our whole life.

“But remember that the temptations (obstacles) that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give into it”. 1 Corinthians

This verse is so convicting to me. I think, as a culture, we give in way too easy. We forget the power available to us if we would only resist our will and its fleshly desires. Remember this verse is a promise. IF we stand up against each obstacle, HE WILL reveal another way to us. Sounds easy right? Then why is it that sometimes I don’t want to see the other way?

As I marinate in this verse it has become clear that everyone on the planet will have obstacles, no doubt. The only difference lies in our reaction to the obstacle before us. The person who STANDS against the obstacle, God will reveal another way. Sometimes we are directed around, over and even through obstacles. God knows what we can handle and he knows what he can trust us with. There have been times in the past when I was certain I would not be able to make it through a situation until I remembered that God would NEVER allow this to happen if I couldn’t handle it. The best way to handle it is to say, “God I have done what I can do and I need you to do what only you can do now”. These desperate cries have proven fruitful.

A person who is seduced by temptation may miss the divine revelation of a truly faithful God. There are promises all throughout scripture, but this is one that can bring life and strength to the feeblest of heart.

If you have a huge obstacle right now, God must trust you. Do you trust him? Maybe the real obstacle before us is the one we see in the mirror.

2008-01-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

Happy OLD year 2007!

In reflection of the year past, I truly can’t begin to communicate the growth in my life on so many levels. The image I get in my head every time I think about last year is one of me sitting in front of six plates of eggs all cooked a different way. As I entered into 2007 one week I would love scrambled, one week over easy and on and on and on. Being consumed with so many lives through the years, I forgot what I like, what is important to me.

So, 2007 was a year of exploration and consideration. I spent a few moments jotting down some things that were woven into my life and forever will be a logged into my memory bank.

1. I joined a softball league. What the heck? I would drive by and see the lights and people cheering and I thought it would be cool to tell my kid some day. I survived that humiliating experience and have no regrets other then to inform you that I will never be a professional softball player. Sorry.
2. I decided after many years to go back to college and finish a few classes I “pushed aside” when I was in my degree program. They came back to haunt me in my sleep, so I decided that this was the perfect season to tackle them so I can pursue graduate work at Berkley in social work. I finished my history requirements and actually fell in love with history. I almost decided to begin pursuing graduate work in history, but was advised not to. * sigh *
3. Traveled to Portland, OR (twice), WA, PA, CO
4. Read 96 books much lower then last year due to school work * arg *
5. Moved ZERO times unlike 4 x’s last year!!! Yahoo!!
6. Took 2 raw food workshops
7. Live shows: Tainted Love, Mute Math (2 times), Chris Tomblin, Matt Redman, Phil Wickham, Switchfoot, Paseo Padre, Mauve, Drey Reeder, Everyday People, Cheeseballs, Matt Nathanson, Fiest, Delta Spirit, Ingrid Michaelson, Music in the park, Carvel, Shane and Shane and more I am probably forgetting.
8. Saw CONAN in SF!! He winked at me!
9. Went to Mac Expo in SF, pretty cool.
10. Went to 7 KFAX events and worked the world vision table by default and fell in love with the kids and Africa.
11. Spoke at 3 women’s events- awesome!
12. Gave 46 Compassion Network Presentations- I have been found giving them in my sleep.
13. Gave 1 Human Trafficking Presentation for my history class
14. Went to IJM and Not for Sale Events to research if this is something I want to advocate for.
15. Went to 9 conferences to learn everything from how to eat healthy, intimacy with God, spiritual formation, healing, intercessory prayer, missions etc.
16. Was a part of 5 major compassion projects in our city-truly amazing year.
17. Moved into my new office in the government building downtown and launched Compassion Network (soft launch, hard launch is in 2208)

This year was overall progressive. I feel it has prepared me to really embrace all 2008 has to offer.

Some things I look forward to in 2008:

1. Expanding the scope of ministry through Compassion Network. I think we made a dent in 2007, but that was just the tip of the iceberg on what our CITY CHURCH (over 70 individual congregations working together in unity) can really do to specifically address the neediest people and touch them tangibly with the love of Jesus. Other then being in an environment of prayer and worship there is NOTHING on the planet I would rather be doing at such a time as this.
2. I would like to finish my last two classes this semester and finalize if I want to pursue a graduate program.
3. Go to Zimbabwe and then come back and advocate for the people and needs here in America. (child soldiers, sex slaves, forced laborers, kids suffering with PTSD)
4. Rallying the youth in the bay area to get involved through compassion action.
5. Dust off my rock climbing gear and dance shoes.
6. Take a few cooking classes specializing in sauces.
7. Meeting a wonderful man to partner with who has similar vision, compassion and melting heart for God. I finally know what kind of eggs I like.
8. Spending more time with friends and watching some of my friend’s babies grow.
9. Getting a new car.
10. Surprises.

So that’s my annual review and forecast for 2008. I think the theme for 2008 will be: THE YEAR OF SURPRISES

Although, all those accomplishments and activities above sound great, nothing is as important to me as Jesus. Nothing I do or am involved in will ever compare to Jesus. Everything else is meaningless.

Cheers to a YEAR OF SURPRISES, I look forward to sharing next year all the creative ways these surprises were revealed!!

innocent expectation

2007-12-25T11:08:00.001-08:00

As I sit here early on Christmas morning my brain has been silenced by the sweetness of a love far beyond what I can grasp. Jesus entered our rugged world as a soft little baby. He entered into history for a time and caused a revolutionary wave that we are still feeling today. Jesus is still making history.

I love how Jesus came as a baby. It shows the innocence and sensitivity of God. I think the story of Jesus would be so different if he entered history as this reckless warrior-like thirty year old. Just picture how people would have responded. He may have been rejected all the more and written off as arrogant, forceful or void of need. But, the author of the story knew this delicate baby boy would be taken as an offering and a gift to humanity. Jesus entered the world in a position of need, yet all along possessing the power within to fulfill our needs. THAT IS POWERFUL! This revelation shows me there are times of need and times to help others in need. There is something beautiful about the giving and receiving in a relationship. There is something magical about the intimacy that is created through this transaction. You can’t have one without the other. What a model for us.

Our culture today says to be in “need”, is to be less than, unstable, disadvantaged, irresponsible and weak. This unfortunate definition has led to a revolution of control and independency. Longer term, the outcome has created not only an age of anxiety, but of hopelessness, isolation, loneliness and disappointment.

Jesus came as a baby. He was vulnerable, needing food, comfort, his diaper changed, warmth, love and a safe place to rest. Mary was the woman chosen by God to be a steward of this precious gift. The important call was placed on her life. Imagine if she didn’t step up to this kingdom task. What if she didn’t assume her role as the saviors’ mother? What if she didn’t care for the needs of Jesus?

This made me think of the call we have on our lives. I was thinking about this last night as I was driving through the canyon. There are significant times in our lives when we have to step up and make a decision that will affect the course of our lives greatly. Since we have free will, the choices we make will set a course having a particular impact either for good, bad or worst yet mediocre. I would rather make the wrong choice and have to get back to God’s best will, then to never a make a choice and live a stale life of apathy. Apathy is a deadly weight to a life of faith.

Mary chose to care for her needy baby. She gave until he was able to care for the needs of the world. He not only had compassion for those in need, he had the authority and ability to completely remove the need all together. This is the Jesus I live for. I need him. I am not ashamed to call him my Lord. If it weren’t for Jesus, I would look at the deck of cards that have been dealt to me and give up. It’s ONLY because of Jesus I have hope for an amazing history in the making.

Jesus- a baby, a savior and history maker. Much cause for celebration and hope today!

SIT, RUN, STAND!

2007-12-09T15:12:00.000-08:00

Sit, Run, Stand

This morning was amazing at church. I have been attending a new gospel church. I am the only white girl and I LOVE it! The room is filled with blacks, Latinos, old ladies, kids, and single parents. We are all so different, yet we have one thing in common-Jesus. I have been drawn to this church for the last three weeks because I sense the people there are alive. When people are alive you know they are expectant. You are only expectant if you have encountered Jesus. Each person actually engages and participates in the service. I hear “amen”, “preach it”, “you go” one woman shouted when the pastor was on a roll and “that’s right” when there is a truth about God preached. LOVE IT! There is nothing fancy or programmatic about this church at all. We meet in a vet’s hall and have to put our chair away when we leave. There is something raw and fresh about it.

Anyhow, today as the preacher was going off about different prophecies and fulfillments of the Messiah, the Lord was speaking to me, on the side, about my personal posture or position before him. I scribbled down three words-SIT, RUN, STAND.

I didn’t really know why those words came to me. Yet, as the service went on I kept writing other things down. So I wanted to share some of the thoughts I had and hope this is encourages someone.

SIT- sitting before the Lord is an important practice because it implies that you are not going anywhere and are ready to converse. In the sitting position one can listen for direction in life. It is in this place of waiting where we are able to gaze or fix our eyes on Jesus. Sitting gives us rest for the mobility needed in the future. If we do not sit, rest, wait and listen the next two I will share about will be a LOT harder.

RUN- going from a rested and rejuvenated place of sitting we are now ready to set coarse. This coarse is set in the place of sitting. RUNNING and trying figure out the coarse is not the best idea. You can do it that way, but if you know the coarse you can run a lot harder toward the goal. There is always a point during a run that you have to persevere. That is when what was revealed to you in the time of sitting kicks in. So often we run haphazardly because we are trying to run as fast as we can and listen for direction at the same time. This can work from time to time, but why add more anxiety then needed.

STAND- there’s times during our journey when we need to stand. We need to stand FIRM and we need to stand in the AUTHORITY given to us. Standing is always forward movement. Standing is a mindset. What you believe about God and what you believe about yourself in relation to what have been given is everything. Standing firm and standing in authority can be done in the either sitting or running position.

In the flow of a typical day we may encounter special moments within each posture. You need all three. I spent many years just running, many more sitting and others standing. What I’ve found is that the seasons when I am AWARE of all three, I see power. I see favor. And I see transformation at whole new levels.

SIT, RUN, STAND three simple, yet revolutionary words.

real or imagined?

2007-11-23T13:25:00.000-08:00

I have been really thinking a lot lately about how I respond to situations in life. Am I a reactionary person or a woman of peace and trust? Do I live in “hypotheticals” or in reality? What am I really responding to anyway?

Being a visionary and a thinker I find it extremely difficult to stay out of the world of hypotheticals. When I am not in check, this can become the disease of introspection.

Thinking and envisioning are not bad as long as each line of thought is based on what is actually true. So how does one marry past experience, discernment, wisdom and reality with an honest response to the situation at hand? The only thing I can think of, right now, is to see how you feel about it. If there is anxiousness, unrest or a lack of peace it’s probably rooted in fear because of a hypothetical scenario you’ve created in your mind. In times like this, I have to stop and ask myself what the real story is, what the real facts are and then start all over in my thinking.

So many Christians over spiritualize the scenario at this point. In this juncture of my life and spiritual journey I have found MOST of the time I have lack of peace it wasn’t from God at all it was my own fear controlling the situation. Ultimately, my hypothetical scenario won again.

So the challenge- live in reality. Become aware of the deeper things going on in your heart and mind. Take risks. Hypothetically speaking, stretch your comfort zone and go to the places you’ve never gone before. Don’t live in fear, but move forward with courage. It’s attractive.

how he loves

2007-11-14T11:44:00.000-08:00

speechless. i sit in awe of what God is doing in our nation. the time is now. may his kingdom come in power and without excuse.

catastrophic daze

2007-11-11T00:29:00.001-08:00

I close my laptop
swallow the last splurge of cold coffee
and head out into the warm rain
each drop of originality
finding it’s home
on my velvety blue zippy
as I saunter toward the car
in a catastrophic daze

I fumble for my keys
wet wheels rolling by
and by
and by
hand digging
one hand
two
disappearing deep into an endless bag
searching
searching for a desperate jingle
a tightly clenched silver cluster
liberated by night air
I find her at last
‘thee’ key to my shelter
my freedom
now in hand
with much anticipation
I thrust into the car
closing out the storm.
a gentle tap, tap, tapping on the window
lazy droplets
begging for attention
nothing takes my mind away from
those stories
those pictures
tears thirsty to protect
one
two
three
synchronizing with the rain

A few months ago in my American history class a list was given out for our presentation topics. As I glanced through the list of over 25 people, movements and events nothing captured my attention. Suddenly, I had the gumption to ask the professor what he thought about me getting a group together and doing a presentation on modern day slavery. Heck, we just got done talking about the 13th amendment and how could I sit there in silence when I have proof slavery never ended. The instructor mumbled and grumbled and gave a hesitant “okay” with a sheepish laugh. It was obvious to me that he was disinterested in the topic or thought it wasn’t of value for the two hundred students in my class. I didn’t budge and quickly said, “Thank you”.

Honestly, I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I figured this would be an easy presentation because of my involvement with IJM and the Not For Sale Campaign. Getting access to good information would be a breeze and whipping up some cool power point presentation would be the icing on the cake. What I didn’t realize was the gravity of the issue. I spent hours and hours reading stories of people being oppressed and it was absolutely overwhelming. I looked at every site you can imagine and I read some of the most graphic and horrific stories of slavery in San Jose, San Francisco, LA, New York, Texas and Florida. Right here in our own back yard is literally a playground for the “big business” of sex trafficking and forced labor.

I gathered my information and now I have two weeks to create a presentation that will move people to make history instead of just learn about it. Daunting task.

I am angry inside toward people who think humans are disposable. This curdles my blood. I am so mad about this and I hope this presentation will activate some of these young people to do something about it. I can’t eradicate forced labor by myself, but I can be a voice for the voiceless. I can talk. I can write. I can motivate others. I can give.

Every day I learn about someone in history who made a difference. The key is not to become paralyzed by the “what can I do about it, I’m just one person on the planet” mentality that erodes the soul and emasculates history. If a whole lot of people would do a whole lot of something, we would begin to hear more faint voices saying, “I am Free”!

sustainable livelihood

2007-06-06T23:06:00.000-07:00

My heart has always been drawn to Zimbabwe and as I was reading some of the revealing information regarding Zimbabwe’s “sustainable livelihood” this evening, tears of compassion filled my eyes. My heart is truly broken for the emerging generation of displaced youth. What are they emerging toward? Well, not only physical displacement, but emotional, spiritual and intellectual poverty as well. I have added a small slice of the heart-wrenching article below. We must do something! We must start creating a united mindset of “sustainable living” in our own city first. When hearts come back to life and compassion is the new poison, it is then we are able to feel the pain.

"[Some of] the biggest challenges in Africa," he says, "are really the relationship and connection between poverty and mental health. The factors that drive poor mental health in Africa are the same as those that drive poverty – wars, internal displacement, HIV/ AIDS and the fact that 60 percent of Africans live below the poverty line. There’s also the fact that so many people who are afflicted by infectious disease, and are so many wars and displaced across Africa. These are the main drivers to depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, alcohol and substance abuse."
Children are a special concern for Njenga. At least 10 percent of all African children are AIDS orphans or child soldiers.
He says, "Anyone who tries to project what may happen to the neglected African child who is a victim or survivor of post traumatic stress disorder, as a result of seeing parents, teachers or siblings mutilated in war…would be guessing."
"One begins to project and understand that in the course of time children who witness genocide in Rwanda are likely to become adults with unresolved grief, PTS disorder, substance abuse issues, depression.… In fact, just thinking about the likely consequences of the traumatic events the African child is going through, we anticipate in 30 years time, we are going to have large African population of deeply traumatized and unstable populations."
It’s not easy to get treatment. Njenga says there’s about one psychiatrist for every half million people in Africa. In Zimbabwe, he says there are only two psychiatrists for every 20 million. Some countries have none at all.

CB- If you are a social worker, doctor, nurse or neighbor- it may be time to explore a trip to Zimbabwe.

Indiscriminate Compassion

2007-04-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

Quote of the night- “it’s better to be naked in truth then clothed in fantasy”. Brennan Manning

Do you believe God loves you as you are? The question went in my ears as I closed my eyes to take an honest evaluation of what I believe. My initial reaction was of course I believe God loves all of me. In fact, I think most people on the surface would come to this conclusion first time around. When I really dug deep I found parts of myself still feeling like I need to “do” something in order to clean myself up before the Lord. In my head, I know nothing is hidden from God so, it seemed rather foolish to go through this meaningless housekeeping ordeal in the first place.

Come as you are is God’s heart. I am scandalized by the generosity of God. His crazy behavior allows me to risk being my authentic self. But, I still have a hard time grasping His limitless mercy. I’m lovable because He loves me period. God is always greater then my largest concept of Him. Each day I arrive at a larger and more powerful understanding of God, but still…He’s greater. I must stretch my thinking and then the next day stretch it even more. God can’t stop loving. There are no conditions with God. God does not base His love on the feeling of the day. He models consistent generosity with His love. The Love of Jesus is reliable.

How can I ever love like God? There is so much injustice in this world. How can I love with this indiscriminate love? First I need to know Him. We behave like the God we imagine. Think about that. How we behave toward our self and toward others is largely rooted in the image we have of God. If we have self-hatred for example, we may view God up in the sky with a BIG wooden spoon ready to get us good for our rebellion or failure. Our image of our self is directly related to our image of God.

Hence, the theme of my “2007 late night ponderings” keep pointing back to IDENTITY. There is a strong need for reconciliation in the family unit but tonight it occurred to me that you must have reconciliation or peace with yourself before you can have true reconciliation with others. It must start with us.

I know for me, I need to heal my image of God along with any distortions I have of His character. It is really easy to gather up the wrong information about God. I have been taking myself through a spiritual exercise this past week. I have been reading one of my all time favorite books called Knowledge of the Holy, by AW TOZER. Every morning I have been reading a chapter and chewing on it. Although very dense, my image of God is being restored. I can’t tell you how little my fears, problems and circumstances are now that I am healing my image of God. I have felt peace, stability and joy tenfold.

Brennan Manning spoke tonight and he quoted someone who had a saying that I love. It went like this. Be who you is, cuz if you aint who you is, you will become what you aint.
Healing our image of God heals our image of ourselves. My prayer is that deep, deep in the core of our identity we would begin to grasp the grace, boundless mercy, tender love, intimacy, and awareness of God generosity toward us. When we fail or people fall short we can rest, truly REST because God’s love is reliable.

The word I am getting for our generation is this- God is love. If you base your identity on the validation from any other source you will become restless. You can come before God as you ARE warts and all. Shame, self-hatred, anger, depression- God couldn’t love you more right now in this place.

There was a day in high school when my dad found me at my mom’s house passed out and surrounded by bottles of prescription meds and photos of people I cared about. I was a confused young woman and this was my deadly attempt for attention. Shortly after this sad episode, I was confronted with a message of hope that would forever change and literally save my life. Yet the words that uttered from my mouth were, “God would NEVER love me”. Clearly, I had no understanding or at least a disturbing understanding of the God I know now. I have spent the last ten years rebuilding my identity. I have also been tested more in this area because I have a passion to help multitudes of people with rediscovering their true identity. I only speak and write about this because I understand the struggle and I am motivated by the potential of a generation of people who are living out their destiny with utmost freedom. Only when we are naked in truth will be able dispel the fantasy and deal with the core of who we are and why we are here.

Be Well America

2007-04-06T00:43:00.000-07:00

After having two pretty significant dreams I have decided to begin an on-going blogging journal called “BE WELL AMERICA”. Combating the apathetic epidemic our culture dines with daily I am beginning a journey longing to bring hope to issues such as obesity, emotional disability, cancer, moral corruption, spiritual depravity, financial stress, creative blues and relational deterioration.

My multi dimensional approach will explore wholeness as it relates to physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, intellectual and creative wellbeing. With a focused awareness on these vital areas TOGETHER we can move forward living healthy and balanced lives.

when we are whole
we are well,
when we are well
we are a gift.

I will blog weekly (Sundays or Wednesdays...not sure yet..) focusing on each component of health sharing ideas, insights, things that have worked or failed for me. I am by NO means an expert on ANY of these subjects just a fellow ragamuffin trying to make a difference in the world. BUT do feel free to ask your doctor what medication I SHOULD be taking!!! HA! No really, if I write something down please know I’ve used it, tried it, researched it, or failed at it! My passion is to see people WHOLE and WELL. Instead of creating a resolution for 2007, I declare a revolution in 2007! Cheers to good health! Join me for a wild ride as we delve into these simplistically complex subjects.

My weekly blogs will be titled “BE WELL AMERICA” not to be confused with my “late night ponderings 2007”. (my brain never stops!!)

I will be giving away weekly challenges that may include something like- giving a gift to someone for no reason other then to surprise them, cook a new recipe from scratch, try a new activity, write a poem (this is even for macho men!!), go to the library and read a children’s book, take public transportation for a day and smile at everyone you look at, add barley powder to your diet, drive for two hours with your favorite high school band blasting with windows down (sorry coloradowins), anyhow…each week will be a surprise and I want to hear stories, stories, stories!!!

BE WELL AMERICA includes some important “BE’S”-
BE ACTIVE
BE INFORMED
BE AWARE
BE HONEST
BE CREATIVE
BE HEALTHY
BE RESPONSIBLE
BE INSPIRED
BE A FRIEND
BE A GIVER
BE A GIFT
BE YOU!!